User blog:Slimeologist/Faux Slimentology: Living In The Wild With Slimes

"Where have you been?" my colleagues have asked, as I have come back from a two year hiatus. My clothes are besmirched with caked on dirt, plort stains of all varieties, and ketchup. To them I answer, "I am living the truth! I have taken slime research to the next level!"

Faux Slimentology #4: Living in the Wild With Slimes
I have been living among the slimes for quite some time now, watching and learning as they've accepted me as one of their own. My family consists of several tabby slimes who live in The Wilds, hunting and playing all day. It is a relaxing and truly freeing life. I must admit, my duties as a slimeologist have slipped from time as I gave into my primal urges. Climbing trees, stealing fruits and veggies, teasing other slimes- is there truly any other joy in life?

For a short time I have left my beloved family, back now to share how to begin your road to happiness as I have. I cannot say when I will return, truly. But until then, let's take the time we have now.

Become One With Your Inner Slime
For the slimes to truly believe you are a slime, you have to get into the right mindset. The slime mindset. Spend some time before your excursion into the great outdoors to really understand what it means to be a slime. To be composed of goo and to have no limbs to move about. An easy exercise is to lay on the floor and roll around, or to crouch on your legs and hop if you are feeling more athletic. Don't feel embarrassed if you feel silly- everyone's doing it! Every slime, that is.

Looking The Part
Now that you feel like a slime, you're ready for the next step! From my experience, slimes are easily fooled as long as you give them no interest in doubting your slime-ness. A simple costume may be purchased from your local costume store, or hand-crafted if you are the artsy type! Below I have included a rough image of a sample costume one might wear if they were to mingle with Pink Slimes.



I am not an artist, but even this rendition can show that you do not need much to surpass a visual slime test! Of course your costume has to accomodate a slime's particular abilities: firecrackers for boom slimes, water compartments for water slimes, etc. It's recommended that you wear casual light clothing underneath, perhaps activewear.

Setting Out on Your Own
Congratulations! You're ready to venture out! Be sure to take some supplies for the journey as you scout out areas where your chosen slime population lives. You're still human after all, so your habitat must allow for a shelter to be found or made, and for plentiful water and food. This will also be a good base to return to if for some reason you are rejected by your local slime group.

Joining The Slimes And Participating in Slociety (Slime Society)
While most docile slimes are easy to welcome you into their ranks, more aggressive slimes will act with hesitation. You might come bearing gifts to get on their good side, such as beloved toys or foods. Every slime type has different actions unique to their physiology, so it would be exhaustive to list them all here. These are all usually easily mimickable, though I will admit I have not figured out how to fake emitting radiation as Rad slimes do.

One thing universal to all slimes though, is how you will make or fake plorts. In a future article I will give you my plort recipe, but faking plorts is just as easy. Harvest a similar slime's plorts when none are looking, and merely drop them from under your costume onto the ground later after consuming.

Parting Remarks
Congratulations on your new slime life, whether it's for two days or two years! Let me know how you fare!

Afterword: Hello Sime Rancher Wikia! It's been a long time, hasn't it? In truth I have fallen out of Slime Rancher due to my computer's technical issues of dying hardware, but I've missed writing these goofy things. Maybe I'll start writing more for the future! Who knows! Happy New Year everyone!!!!