User blog:Slimeologist/Faux Slimentology: How To Act Human (for Slimes)

Warning this is NOT a blog article for humans!

Hello Slimes that use the Internet! Congratulations on mastering human technology! You're doing very well to get this far. You also may have seen some very tasty foods we humans eat, but due to being Slimes, you probably get your native fruits/vegs/chickens vacpak'd at your face. Satisfying but not the apex of gourmet. Here is a quick guide to blending in with human society in order to get those foods you crave!

Many is Better Than One
Join together to accomplish your goals! A lone Slime will have trouble accomplishing tasks on their own, but two or more can get things done a lot quicker. This especially goes for disguises- the average human is 3-4 Pink Slimes tall, so you will need to work together to make a convincing image. Team up and split the goods!

People Talk... A Lot
A primary form of communication among humans is talking, which is making specific sounds with our mouth. This can be very difficult to perform since Slimes do not have vocal chords. Consider turning to interpretive dance, or writing in order to get your message across. Writing is especially effective, even over long-distance where no one knows you don't have any fingers or opposable thumbs. When meeting humans in person, you can also use "body language", by nodding or shaking your "head" (that would be the most top Slime).

Money is King!
Humans use a system of currency- it's a lot like the Range Exchange or trading items, except you give people "money" for return for goods. It is very important to use money in any human place in order to gain goods, or otherwise you will get in trouble for stealing! Money is hard to understand, so to simply break it down, the paper rectangles are worth more than the metal circles. You can gain money by performing tasks for others.

Be Polite
The most important thing to blending into human society is not causing trouble for others. If you are kind, and do good things for others, they will respect you even if they find out later you are a bunch of Slimes. Ways to be kind are to help old ladies cross the street, letting people on the bus take your seat if there is no room left, and waiting patiently in line. Kindness is often paid back to you, so it will make your journey to tasty foods faster and more enjoyable!

It will be hard integrating into human society to get those yummy foods, but it is truly worth it in the end.